Can Dads Have It All? Why "Parenting Out Loud" Matters

There’s a growing conversation happening in workplaces, playgrounds, and NCT chats among fathers - a shift in what it means to be a modern dad. The idea that dads want to “have it all” - a thriving career and a deeply involved family life - is no longer niche. For many men, it’s mainstream, and this represents a massive opportunity for society to rethink outdated assumptions about gender, work, and parenting.

I was 11 years old when our mum’s multiple sclerosis broke any domestic gender role expectations I might have had as a young teenager in a family of males.

At 33, becoming a dad showed me how challenging the early stages of fatherhood can be - identity change, anxiety and highly charged, mixed emotions, it also demonstrated that work and ‘status’ don’t define a man.

I was 35, in 2012, when 1 year old George Burke’s sudden death, followed 5 days later by the suicide of his dad, my friend, Paul, showed how fragile life can be. The devastation these events caused painfully illustrated the importance of normalising men feeling comfortable talking about their trauma, emotions and anxiety, and crucially, knowing where to turn for crisis support.

What I’ve Learnt as a twice stay at home Dad and coach

Here’s what’s clear: there is almost nothing men can’t do when it comes to raising children. The challenges fathers face today aren’t rooted in capability—they stem from culture, norms, and deeply entrenched assumptions. When we talk about gender in the workplace, we often focus (rightly) on the barriers women face—gender pay gaps, limited progression into senior roles, and the harsh realities of the motherhood penalty, with up to 74,000 women a year pushed out of work due to pregnancy and maternity discrimination.

But there’s another side to the story: men. More specifically, new dads. Many struggle with the emotional and practical impacts of fatherhood. They feel pressure to be the “rock,” to remain stoic, productive, unphased. And too often, they feel like they are navigating this alone.

The Gender Dynamics at Work and Home

Despite decades of equal pay legislation, women continue to face stubborn pay and pension gaps. We’re ‘missing’ women at senior levels. And too often, the cost of childcare is viewed through the lens of the mother’s earnings, reinforcing the idea that hers is the secondary career. This logic, embedded in workplace and family dynamics, reinforces inequality and limits choices for both partners.

Equality, however, begins at home. When we assume that women are more ‘committed’ to caregiving and men are more ‘available’ for work, we limit everyone.

“When I first met Lisa, I didn’t think she had kids, because I didn’t think a mum could do this job.”

https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/

The Dad Struggle

The “Diamond of Dilemma” represents the tension many dads feel in the face of competing demands on their time and focus. Apart from the challenge around translating ‘family man’, it’s a narrative that is largely gender neutral.

But add in the concept that “mum knows best,” compounded by limited paternity leave policies and the persistent expectation that men should be breadwinners first, carers second, it is easy to see why new dads might struggle with their place and value in a world that has moved on significantly from their own dad’s experiences.

☹️ Around 10% of dads experience depression during their partner’s pregnancy,

☹️ Fathers are twice as likely to suffer depression in the first year of fatherhood than men without children.

☹️ Anxiety is common, especially for those trying to live up to the expectation of being the steady, unshakable one.

These struggles are amplified by societal expectations and outdated traditions. But here’s the thing: tradition has a cost. And it’s one we can no longer afford to pay.

The Cost of Tradition

As a coach, specialising in supporting men through the first year of fatherhood, I would never seek to define how my coachees structure their lives but it can be important to understand that while ‘traditional’ family set ups can provide great certainty and clarity they can be problematic for a significant number of parents

A University of Bath study of 6,000 American heterosexual couples over 15 years showed husbands were most anxious when they are the sole breadwinner. “Study of US data shows persistent social norms about male breadwinning can harm men’s mental health.”

While research from Dr Ana Jordan, University of Lincoln found:

⭐ 25% of Fathers in traditional arrangements felt forced into roles.

⭐ “Mothers in traditional arrangements reported significantly lower wellbeing and relationship quality than mothers who shared childcare equally or reversed roles”

What Is “Parenting Out Loud”?

Enter the idea of #ParentingOutLoud - a simple but radical concept that encourages dads to be open, visible, and unapologetic about their caregiving responsibilities. The term, popularised by Elliott Rae of Music Football Fatherhood, is about more than sharing daycare pickups in your calendar. It’s about challenging assumptions, starting conversations, and de-gendering caregiving.

When dads “parent out loud,” they signal that caregiving isn’t a weakness or an afterthought. It’s part of a full, healthy life. And when male leaders model this behavior, they give permission to others to do the same.

Why It Matters

Parenting out loud matters because it challenges stereotypes and makes caregiving visible. It helps normalise the idea that both parents are responsible for raising children—and that work must adapt to accommodate that shared responsibility.

It also creates equality at home. When one partner bears the mental load of family life while the other operates with a more singular focus, resentment builds. True fairness—whether in emotional labor, chores, or social freedom—requires intentionality and shared leadership. And it starts with open conversations.

So… Can Dads Have It All?

The answer depends on what we mean by “all.” No one can do everything perfectly, but dads can absolutely lead full, rich lives that include ambition and active fatherhood.

The key is to be deliberate.

Start by taking your leave. It’s one of the most powerful things you can do for your family, your partner, and yourself. Research shows that paternity leave reduces postnatal depression in fathers and boosts maternal income—by as much as 7% per month of leave taken, according to McKinsey’s reporting on a Swedish study.

Ask yourself: What does good work-life balance look like for me? Is it ‘balance’, ‘harmony’, or ‘integration’? Consider how your work pattern impacts your partner. Are you unintentionally prioritising one career over another? Are you both working full-time because you want to, or because it feels like the only option?

Think about your “second shift” at home—cooking, cleaning, managing logistics—and the mental load that often goes unnoticed. Design your ideal working week and ask your partner to do the same. Look for overlaps, gaps, and areas for realignment.

What’s In It For Me?

Plenty!
In an ideal world we wouldn’t be talking about how to persuade men of the benefits of being active and involved fathers… but we do what we need to do!

When dads are active, engaged, and emotionally present, everyone benefits. You get to be the dad you want to be. You deepen your connection with your children. You build confidence and pick up valuable life skills. You lead by example at home and in the workplace. You gain the skills and connections that can insulate yourself from losing access if your relationship breaks down.

And perhaps most importantly, you set the tone for future generations. By choosing equal parenting now, you reduce long-term relationship tension and model a healthier way forward.

Recognising the Barriers

Of course, change isn’t easy. Many men fear being judged if they take time off or ask for flexibility. They worry about being overlooked for promotions, seen as uncommitted, or even mocked. These fears are real—and they’re reinforced by silence.

A 2021 BBC article described this perfectly:

“Most cite fears of being discriminated against professionally, missing out on pay rises and promotions, being marginalised or even mocked as reasons for not taking time off.”

These aren’t just personal concerns—they’re systemic issues. But change is possible.

Breaking the Cycle

One of the most powerful insights comes from research on “pluralistic ignorance”—the idea that people often misjudge what others believe. A study by the Behavioural Insights Team found that men believed only 65% of their peers would support a male colleague working flexibly. In reality, 99% would. That gap in perception stops people from speaking up.

Simply telling men that their peers support shared parenting increases their likelihood of doing it themselves. That’s why parenting out loud matters—it breaks the silence and corrects the myth that “real men” don’t flex.

Next Steps

If you’re a dad wondering where to begin, start with this:

• Talk to other dads. You are not alone.

• Be honest with yourself. What does success really look like for you?

• Plan ahead—at home and at work.

• Find support. Seek community. Share your experiences. Join the Parents and Carers network at work.

And remember: you have a chance to shape something bigger than yourself. Your children are watching. So are your colleagues.

#ParentingOutLoud is not just a hashtag. It’s a movement. It’s a call to redefine what modern fatherhood can look like—and to build workplaces and homes that support it. So, can dads have it all?

Maybe not everything, all the time. But they can have what matters most. And they don’t have to do it quietly.

Photo Credit: Brittani Burns via Unsplash

Paternity leave in finance: ‘The more men do it, the less of a big deal it becomes’

Paternity leave in finance: ‘The more men do it, the less of a big deal it becomes’

Make no mistake, it's a pleasure to talk all things Dads and contributing to Emma Jacobs's piece in the Financial Times was no exception.

It's a fascinating read, that uses the words of dads in financial services and law to illustrate both the positive and negative experiences of accessing extended leave and the disconnect that can exist between policy and culture, especially the gatekeeping experience that ‘Adam’ was subjected to.

The world is changing fast, and organisations can’t just rely on ‘dinosaurs’ dying out to get a grip on organisation culture. Gender equality initiatives that focus largely or solely on mother’s experiences and challenges are likely to merely reinforce societal and workplace assumptions about the role of working mums and working dads alike.

As a female, former colleague of my wife once said:

“When I first met Lisa, I didn’t think she had children, because I didn’t think a mum could do this job.”

It’s only when we see that men are as equally likely to seek out and access extended leave as women, that society, the workplace, and families will make meaningful progress towards equality both at home and in the workplace.

The evidence that Emma lays out from businesses with great parental leave policies and a joined-up culture is that men will absolutely take the leave they are offered and that “can make them more committed to an equal workforce.”

But never underestimate the line manager effect, it’s striking how many of the men Emma interviewed cited the support of their managers, matching my own coaching experience and how Adam’s negative experience was framed as being unmanly and that looking after children was his wife’s ‘job’.

My contributions

Ian Dinwiddy, a coach and founder of Inspiring Dads which supports fathers in the workplace, observes a domino effect, as more companies overcome worries about “cost [and having] to cover the leave”, forcing others to compete.

Dinwiddy says ringfenced leave — which is not shared between a couple — encourages fathers to take it. “Because [shared leave] is a choice — men have to opt in and that comes with fear of being seen as uncommitted.” There is also safety in numbers, he says. “If men think other men are going to take it, they will too.”

Further Reading

BBC July 21, “Paternity leave, the hidden barriers keeping men at work.”

“Most cite fears of being discriminated against professionally, missing out on pay rises and promotions, being marginalised or even mocked as reasons for not taking time off.”

The Behavioural Insights Team working with Santander UK found that

‘Simply telling men that their peers support parental leave and flexible working, increases their intention to share care.’ ‘Men thought that roughly 65% of their peers would encourage male colleagues to work flexibly, while in reality 99% would do so.’

Sharing this positive news changed attitudes, defeating the myth that men don’t support each other’s desire to be active and involved fathers.

More New Dad content

Does Fatherhood Deserve To Be Put On A Pedestal?

Does Fatherhood Deserve To Be Put On A Pedestal?

It’s an intriguing question raised by this Tweet from The Feminist Barrister

“Men who do half of the household chores, take care of the baby, pay their way, do emotional labour, are not special, they don't deserve a pat on the back, it should be normal.”

She has a point, in a world of gender inequalities at home and at work, the idea of eulogising dads for doing the very same things that, at best, pass as unnoticed when mums do them, can feel perverse, if not downright disrespectful.

But the word that caught my eye was ‘SHOULD’.

I totally agreed. It SHOULD be normal, but I think there’s a lot of merit in exploring why it might not be ‘normal’ and what we can do to normalise the type of active and involved fatherhood that everyone benefits from.

I’ll come right out with it; I think we do need to put fatherhood on a ‘pedestal’ - at least under some circumstances.

In my line of work, I’m always thinking of ways to help my dads’ work out how to balance work and fatherhood, to solve the challenge of “How to be a great dad, without sacrificing a great career,” and, crucially to recognise and address the barriers that stop dads being “the father they don’t remember growing up.”

I created a poll on LinkedIn and asked

How should society treat involved, equal fathers?

You can join the conversation here.

My options were

1.    Celebrate Them

2.    Ignore Them

3.    It’s Complicated

There were a couple of great builds from Katie “Normalise It” and Elliot “Support Them.”

Frustration

Alison expressed her frustration at the unequal nature of expectations:

“Do we celebrate women today who do all this and more? It should just be normal to share chores, take part in family life and more. We can show our appreciation individually. It just reminds me when my husband does something we all have to be in awe when I seem to do that stuff day in day out 😂 no celebration. No badges of honor.”

While Emma echoed the sense of disrespecting women by celebrating men.

“ 'celebrate' them seems a little insulting to the women who do this day in day out and don't get it recognised let alone celebrated. But yes, definitely support them is the right way to approach this, so it becomes normal for all.”

Normalising

Normalising was also important to Lizzie who talked about positively reinforcing the behaviour we want to see. While Venise talked wrote about “normalizing normal, until it IS "normal”

Social Expectations

Sean picked out the importance of social and family barriers, as well as the importance of encouraging pioneers who want to change how society has told them they should be.

In my mind, this is the crucial part…

With the ONS reporting in July 22 that 83.9% of men are working full time v 38.4% of women, we can’t divorce what men do domestically, from what they are ‘expected’ or perceived to be expected to do at work.

“Most cite fears of being discriminated against professionally, missing out on pay rises and promotions, being marginalised or even mocked as reasons for not taking time off.”

Paternity leave, the hidden barriers keeping men at work.

And this cuts both ways…

“When I first met Lisa, I didn’t think she had kids, because I didn’t think a mum could do this job”

Gender Judgement

And spills over into judgement about men who don’t work. As Laura talks about her husband

"I've lost count of the comments he gets about the fact he is not undertaking paid work while he cares for the children. He is also sadly still one of the only men at many parent events and has been since the kids were babies at play groups."

Unhelpful judgements are everywhere

·      Mums ‘damaging’ their children if they are in nursery too early or for too long.

·      But ‘damaging’ them if they don’t have the social exposure to childcare settings.

·      Talking about nursery fees in the context of mum’s income rather than family income.

·      ‘Lazy’ SAHD dads who aren’t providing and get treated with suspicion.

The truth is that society’s bar for ‘good’ fatherhood is set too low and too narrow to the detriment of too many, while I think the opposite is true for motherhood.

What is normal?

“Men who do half of the household chores… it should be normal”

Frances Cushway and I explore the complexity what ‘normal’ looks like for individuals and relationships in our webinar

“The Home Contract – Managing Second Shift and Mental Load Challenges”

When we think about household chores, it is often through the prism of second shift activities and in that regard, research suggests that in heterosexual relationships, doing half isn’t normal and it also depends on what the task is.

Doing half is much more than the second shift, we also need to consider the mental load, the hidden, often unseen, emotional and cognitive labour.

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/may/26/gender-wars-household-chores-comic

Building Pedestals at work

In a world dominated by damaging gender expectations, 2 weeks of statutory paternity leave (and nothing for the self-employed) and the fear of being seen as uncommitted at work, we absolutely do need to put fatherhood on a pedestal and celebrate and support dads who seek to normalise the domestic equality that we need in society.

No, I don’t think we should be handing out participation medals at home, but in the workplace celebrating fatherhood really matters if we are to reframe the conversation about parenting and ‘commitment’ and improve gender equality in the workplace.

Workplaces need to use policies such as equalised parental leave as an enabler to drive culture change. To encourage and support dads to take extended leave, to work flexibly or part time and to build the skills, experience and empathy that solo parenting inevitably brings.  

When fear, circumstances or expectation prevent dads from seeking out extended parental leave or flexible working it reinforces the idea that caring responsibilities are only for women and frequently we end up with domestic inequalities that manifest themselves as a two-speed race at work where some runners face very different hurdles to success.

 Conclusion.

Let’s go back to the premise - does fatherhood deserve to be put on a pedestal?

My view, absolutely at work.  #Equalitystartsathome, but the foundation for that equality is built by the culture in the workplace.

When we celebrate active and involved fatherhood at work and support new dads through maternity and beyond, we break the reality and perception of a two-speed system and start to remove the fatherhood fear that so that so many dads worry about.  

"Simply telling men that their peers support parental leave and flexible working, increases their intention to share care." 

The Behavioural Insights Team

Your next steps…

Contact me to discover our range of webinars and workshops or to talk about coaching support for new dads.

Join my next free webinar "Why Supporting New Dads At Work Is the Route to Gender Equality", on Tuesday 24th January

PS Why not connect and follow some of those, whose wisdom and insight, I have tapped into here.

Elliott Rae Laura McCambridge Lizzie Martin PCC Alison Main Emma Banister Sean Coffin Frances Cushway Katie Tucker K. Venise Vinegar Dorothy Dalton Daniel Bailey (Assoc CIPD)

The Great Dad Reset

The Great Dad Reset

Inspiring Dads founder, Ian Dinwiddy, was invited to contribute to a Dads at Work feature for Daddilife discusses the importance of culture over policy in creating a balanced future for dads...

Ever since I started my business, it’s been really clear that new dads want to spend more time with their children, to be there for the moments that matter and to work out how to be a great dad without sacrificing a great career, and for so long it’s felt out of reach. Fears about being seen as uncommitted if you seek out extended paternity leave, jokes about taking 2 weeks holiday (if you’re lucky) and if you work flexibly (like a mum?!) then you’ve pretty much signalled that your career is on ice.

Not everyone can take the potential financial hit involved in stepping back and that’s before we consider the identity and purpose benefits that progression and enjoyment at work brings.

It shouldn’t have taken a pandemic to prove that it’s possible for many dads to work remotely, creating better balance, relationship harmony and mental health outcomes, but 2021 is definitely an opportunity to reset what it means to be a committed dad, the type that is committed to both family and work, but doesn’t want to have to choose between them!

Policy is great, but all the flexible working policies in the world mean nothing if your work culture doesn’t support dads accessing them, just ask Japan, with world leading paternity leave. While McKinsey research found the most important factors in men taking paternity leave were:

1.     A work culture that encourages taking leave

2.     Policy support from their employer

3.     An unaffected promotion timeline

Whether is it hybrid working, taking extra leave or being a role model for younger dads, my challenge to you is, in this time of massive opportunity, what are you going to do to get the work-life balance, you, your family and your children want and need?

Because when men come together, things can get done, if enough of us stand together for better relationships, mental health and connection with our kids together we can create that reset and build a better future.

"I'm gonna be like you, dad"

“I’m Gonna Be Like You, Dad”

The Cat’s in the Cradle is a 1974 song that (according to Wikipedia) started life as poem inspired by “the awkward relationship”, between a father and son.

A man becomes a father in the first verse but is too busy to spend time with his son, this patterns repeats throughout the song, while the son saying he will grow up just like him. At the end the pattern is complete with the son being too busy to spend time with his dad.

It points to two important themes for dads to consider

1) Making time now

2) The importance of role-modelling.

Originally performed by Harry Chapin who is quoted as saying "Frankly, this song scares me to death."

Cat’s in the Cradle

My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch, and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talking 'fore I knew it, and as he grew
He'd say "I'm gonna be like you, dad"
"You know I'm gonna be like you"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
"When you coming home, dad?" "I don't know when"
But we'll get together then
You know we'll have a good time then

My son turned ten just the other day
He said, thanks for the ball, dad, come on let's play
Can you teach me to throw, I said, not today
I got a lot to do, he said, that's okay
And he walked away, but his smile never dimmed
It said, I'm gonna be like him, yeah
You know I'm gonna be like him

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
"When you coming home, dad?" "I don't know when"
But we'll get together then
You know we'll have a good time then

Well, he came from college just the other day
So much like a man I just had to say
Son, I'm proud of you, can you sit for a while?
He shook his head, and he said with a smile
What I'd really like, dad, is to borrow the car keys
See you later, can I have them please?

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
"When you coming home, son?" "I don't know when"
But we'll get together then, dad
You know we'll have a good time then

I've long since retired and my son's moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, I'd like to see you if you don't mind
He said, I'd love to, dad, if I could find the time
You see, my new job's a hassle, and the kids have the flu
But it's sure nice talking to you, dad
It's been sure nice talking to you
And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me
My boy was just like me

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
"When you coming home, son?" "I don't know when"
But we'll get together then, dad
We're gonna have a good time then.

The New Balance Of Work And Fatherhood Post Covid

The New Balance Of Work And Fatherhood Post Covid

Happy Father's Day!

I've written a call to arms piece for Thriving Talent called 'The New Balance Of Work And Fatherhood Post Covid.'

I have a look at what dads want, the impact of Covid-19 on both men and women and look at why championing dads at work really does matter in 2021.

I talk well-being, equality at home and in the workplace and finish with 5 steps businesses need to take this year.

“Not only that, dads report improved mental health and better relationships with their families. The Fatherhood Institute Report – Lockdown Dads the Untold Story found that 65% of ‘partnered’ fathers “reported better father-child relationship following lockdown, rising to 73% among those who were full-time at home.”

As The Guardian reports, Dads have realised what they have been missing out on:

"If he’d been working his usual hours, he would have missed his son’s first giggle already. “That stopped me in my tracks,” he says. “I want these initial things. I want to see his first steps. I want his first words.”

It makes sense that happier dads will perform better at work and have better mental health, but supporting dads is also a route to gender equality.”

Photo Credit Bermix Studio v Unsplash @bermixstudio

The Revolution? Hybrid Working And The Productivity Challenge.

The Revolution? Hybrid working and the Productivity Challenge.

In 2019, former naval officer, James Edmondson, wrote a piece for The Homeworker magazine, a publication dedicated to “helping you thrive and achieve a happier, healthier, more productive lifestyle when you work from home.”

It was called:

“Joining the Revolution”

It was a frank piece about his worry and stress about how "working from home” was perceived and his own personal bias from a 20 year career in the Royal Navy:

“The concept of working from home was alien to me; in my mind it was something writers or artists might do”

The anxiety about what other people might think is beautifully illustrated by the sense of over compensating

“To over compensate for this and the overall feeling that I was ‘working from home’, I started sending people in the office pointless emails and Lync messages.

In my mind, the conversations would go like this: “Where’s James?” “Oh, he’s working from home today, but I saw that he’d logged on at 8 am and I’ve already seen a bunch of emails from him.” “Great, so he’s actually working.” “

A sense of relief to have survived “Working. From. Home”

“The feeling of utter relief when the clock struck 5 was palpable; I had made it through the day without anyone phoning up asking me where I was or why I wasn’t at my desk. It was relief that I hadn’t been accused of: “Working. From. Home”.”

Anxiety, productivity and foresight

“I hadn’t enjoyed the experience one bit, and in fact the chronic low-level anxiety that resided inside of me throughout the day was awful. Yet, I had been incredibly productive, completing some important work, work that had I had been in my office would probably have taken me three or four days to do.

Having the option to work from home in a flexible manner that allows a workforce to fit work around their busy lives is a game-changer and something I believe the working world must embrace as widely as possible.”

You can access the full interview here in issue 5, “2020 Vision” https://www.thehomeworker.com/back-issues

James reflects on home working in a pandemic

Now in early 2021, I went back to James and asked him how things had changed.

Not ideal

“Since writing my article for The Homeworker at the end of 2019, Covid-19 and the move to a larger house has shifted my perspectives again on working from home. The pandemic forced many of us to work from home almost overnight. The anxiety that I used to feel about working from home now seems absurd. Working from home now feels completely normal, though, in its current format, not ideal.

The Positives

For me the positives about working from home remain unchanged from my original article. The lack of commute, more family time, more time to spend focused on deep work and lots of money saved on not buying coffee are brilliant aspects to this way of working. The only big difference for me is around productivity.

Challenges around productivity and interaction

I am very conscious of those missed spontaneous and chance interactions that I would have in the office. Those touch points generated so many ideas, fostered collaboration and ultimately drove my productivity. Forced to work almost exclusively from home I get too much time to myself. Zoom calls are not the same, they are not chance encounters or spontaneous. It is this that I believe is the hidden cost around productivity.

Mental health issues

Culturally, my organisation is beginning to observe worrying second and third order affects of the changed way of working. Many of my colleagues are struggling through lack of contact and support that the office environment fostered. Whilst out in the field, we are seeing people taking time off work through mental health issues. They often cite the lack of contact from managers as the principal cause of their problem.

Optimism for a hybrid future

I am, however, optimistic for the future. For those of us who can work either from home or the office I expect our working practices to adopt a hybrid model. I can see me rarely having 5 days in office in a row. Instead, I expect I will work 2 days in the office, 2 days at home and 1 day out and about visiting / talking to people. From a work perspective that would be an excellent outcome to this dreadful crisis.”

What can we learn from James’ experience?

Covid-19 has been tough on parents, with the burden of domestic and childcare responsibilities falling more heavily on mums but with research from the Office for National Statistics finding that the number of hours men were spending on childcare increased by an average of 58% during the first lockdown. While Daddilife found a post-lockdown desire to be more heavily involved at home with more quality family time (32%) first, followed by more flexible (25%) and remote (19%) working.

One of the obvious upsides to the pandemic has been a cultural shift around perceptions about men who work flexibly and remotely. Not only the perceptions and understanding of those who do it, but also men’s own perception and sense of job risk for not being anything other than fully committed to work.

Without doubt, pandemic work patterns have not been ideal, but the benefits that men like James have experienced, point to a brighter future with more choice as to how and where to work and less stigma attached to men who seek to create better balance for themselves and their families and to be the active and involved fathers they may not remember growing up.

de-gendering and de-stigmatising

Finally some important words from Molly Johnson-Jones, at Flexa Careers interviewed in The Homeworker Blog

The past year has also shifted attitudes towards flexible working. With more men experiencing flexible working, the term has become “less gendered” according to . “Men now want flexible working almost as much as women (68% vs 74%) and are just as likely to ask for it as women (55% would ask for flexible working).

“In addition, some of the stigma around flexible working has started to shift. It’s no longer seen as ‘shirking from home’, or at least not by the majority of the population. By simultaneously de-gendering and de-stigmatising the term ‘flexible work’ we remove the negative connotations of women in the workplace – that we are less committed or productive because of our circumstances.”

“Men now want flexible working almost as much as women”

Why supporting new dads in the workplace is key to gender equality

Written for HR Zone

Why supporting new dads in the workplace is key to gender equality

The cultural norms around work are changing at a rapid rate thanks to the pandemic, but we must not allow it to widen the gender gap at work. A key part of this is creating the right conditions for working dads to take on their share of the caring responsibilities.

Writing for HR Zone I explored three key themes:

1. Stressed dads seek new ways of working

2. Dads fear being seen as 'uncommitted' 

3. Equality starts at home

“Gender equality took a big hit in 2020. At the start of the pandemic, the government suspended enforcement of gender pay gap reporting. Domestically, women took on more unpaid labour and despite evidence that the first Covid-19 lockdown led to a 58% increase in childcare undertaken by men, the equality gap widened and more recently those gains appear to have rolled back. Facebook groups such as The Career Mum are full of stories from working mums taking on a disproportionate share of unpaid domestic labour, whether it’s childcare, home school support or the mental load.”

Connect with me on LinkedIn and join the debate

How to build meaningful relationships with your partner and your children

How to build meaningful relationships with your partner and your children.

Are you concerned that you and your partner aren’t on the same page?

Do you wonder if your family think it is “all” worth it?

Written for the Dadvengers Community

It’s easy to get complacent, to think your family life is running smoothly. Then you turn around and discover too late that the solid foundations you thought you were building, aren’t as solid as you had hoped or expected.

Which is why it’s so important to build meaningful relationships that support your family life.

The good news is, it’s never too late to reflect on what your version of “Christmas Future” looks like and make changes. This is especially true if the answer to either of those questions is Yes.

Getting it right matters as friend of mine, let’s call him Toby, illustrates evocatively about his relationship breakdown:

“If there’s one thing I wish we’d done better, it would have been to have those really honest discussions – rather than the more off-hand comments and observations – about the work life balance for both of us, including as a couple and as parents.  

But hey – we live and learn, eh?!”

Head over to the Dadvengers website to read the rest of the piece, including these topics:

• Meaningful relationships require open and honest conversations.  

• Meaningful relationships need shared purpose.

• Meaningful relationships require equality at home.

• How to build meaningful relationships with your children

Plus you can watch Nigel and I on the Dadvengers’ “Dad Chats Live” over on Instagram. We talked about the content, shared stories and answered Q&A with the viewers.

Our conversation starts at 9min and you can catch up and watch here:

Photo Credit @nate_dumlao via Unsplash

Christmas Reflections 2020

Nearly at the end of the year... phew.

2021 is bound to be better eh?

I wrote about the feeling of crashing into a Covid Iceberg (which was a great opportunity to include a lot of Titanic references!)

For our family, it's not all been bad, we've stayed healthy and so have immediate and extended family, sometimes it's good to remember that basic measure of success.

Good things this year - family time (walks, movie nights & general time together)

Bad things - family time; in particular home school taking over my life and sucking time from the day, plus squabbling with my son about home school (my daughter is much easier!)

From a business perspective, it's been tough for paid coaching work but really rewarding in terms of helping people on free calls, making appearances in webinars and panel events and even chatting on national radio. https://www.inspiringdads.co.uk/media

Lockdown Dads Podcast

In May, James Millar and I kicked off Lockdown Dads - the podcast we hoped would only be relevant for one season. Now we are booking guests for season 3 that will run until April. In the nicest possible way I sincerely hope that we can kill it off then!

The final episode (#27) is available to watch or listen here:

https://www.inspiringdads.co.uk/lockdown-dads

"A look back at 26 episodes of Lockdown Dads - the good, the bad and the ugly as we ponder the "annus horribilis" that was 2020. We talk guests and the tips that inspired us and the tips that shocked us, it's all here as we discuss what 2021 has instore for dads and their families and how as a show we can continue to bring you interesting and informative content onward into season 3 of a project we wanted to kill off. Too much lockdown...!"

Awesome People

Finally for this year I was very proud to see two friends recognised for their work

Rhian Mannings MBE received a Pride of Britain special recognition award from actor Michael Sheen for her charity work.

While Eb Mukhtar was recognised with an MBE for his role in organising PPE logistics for the NHS.

"The fact that no NHS hospital ever ran out of stock is largely due to improvements he made."

and onto now

Here in SE London we're in Tier 4; Christmas plans are cancelled and we wait again to see what the plans are for schooling. The eye opening stat is that in our immediate areas 1 in 100 of the population tested positive last week for Covd.

Not me though, I paid for a test so I could visit my Dad, safe in the knowledge that I wasn't going to infect him. Naturally, I got a negative result a few hours after discovering that Xmas was off and it was a waste of £120. Such is life.

Great news is that Caroline from his local pub The Ruishton Inn are going to deliver him a Christmas Dinner. Community is alive and well!

Looking ahead a bit to 2021

It's exciting to be bringing another set of awesome guests to the Lockdown Dads podcast in the spring, a couple of collaborations will be launched and I'll be rolling out "The Successful Dads Scorecard".

The scorecard will give dads the opportunity to answer some important questions and get simple actionable tips based on how they scored. I can't wait to share it with you!

If you want to be a beta tester? email me here info@inspiringdads.co.uk

Some final words

Sometimes all we can do is adapt and accept and keep going. As Rocky Balboa says in the film Creed "One step at a time. One punch at a time. One round at a time."

and keep talking

talk to your partner

talk to your kids

talk to your mates

because as Bob Hoskins once said "It's good to talk"

Merry Christmas

Ian, Lisa, Freya and Struan

Picture Credit: Volodymyr Hryshchenko via Unsplash @lunarts